


Wool Over My Eyes

by Eroway



Series: This Moment Lasts Forever [1]
Category: Fallout 4
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Panic Attacks, Spoilers, quest spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-04
Updated: 2016-04-27
Packaged: 2018-05-31 07:09:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6460684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eroway/pseuds/Eroway
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arianna Waters prepares to go to the Institute and save her boy. Terrified of what that means for herself, her friends and the Commonwealth she tries to ready herself for the worst. Nothing can prepare her for the truth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was born from playing the Molecular Level where originally I had prepared my character for a huge firefight for it not to happen. I wanted to explore my Soles feelings prior and after getting to the Institute.

Arianna ran her fingers over the cold, unyielding metal. Her brain couldn’t even comprehend what she was looking at really. It reminded her of the descriptions of Frankenstein’s Monster. Huge bulbous conductors where the electric would hit it and bring the dead back to life. There was no hope of that. But maybe this would give her one small part of her life back. Shaun.

The journey had been so hard to get to this point. It hurt her soul to think of her past life so she shut the door hard. She had to look forward to the life she had built in this world - where everything was fought for, nothing given, everything earned. Arianna glanced at the sand coloured walls of the Castle, this was her testament. The Minutemen were strong and looking after every day people. Even if she died in the Institute, she would leave this behind. It was one last mark on this world and she was proud of it. 

“She’ll hold.” A southern drawl drew Arianna from her thoughts. The small powerfully built mechanic gave her a lopsided grin and Arianna couldn’t help but smile in return. Sturges was irrepressibly optimistic and endlessly patient. He had travelled from Sanctuary down to the Castle without a second word. When it took a few weeks to scavenge up the parts he told her not to worry. It was surprisingly refreshing. 

“Well you did build her,” Arianna said with a flirty lilt in her voice. Sturges laughed heartily, shaking those broad shoulders. 

“The teleporter I ain’t too sure about. I meant the Castle.” 

“Oh.” Arianna mouthed, kicking at the irradiated cracked soil, “That doesn’t exactly fill me with a lot of confidence.” 

“Yeah, sorry about that.” Sturges laughed again and ran a grease coated hand through his black hair. “I built the Teleporter to the best of my ability and I am pretty darned good. She will get you to where you need to go. The Castle though – she will deal with anything just in case this is a trap.”

This was the whole reason Arianna had traipsed Sturges down here. She didn’t dare build the device in any of her settlements. At night she dreamed of those Gen 2 synths with missing jaws and burning eyes merging from the teleporter. Blue shots vaporized everything and everyone around her. All her friends disappeared once again in a deafening blast of heat. MacCready caught against a wall and with one gunshot he was gone. 

He had woken her up from her screaming and tears as the images rolled through her unconsciousness and as they sat and discussed it in the luminescence of her PipBoy. She was so afraid that even if she defied all the odds and got Shaun without a fight, then the Institute would know that they had unlocked their technology and would come after the Minutemen. This was the same Institute who kidnapped people of the Commonwealth and replaced them with imposters. They would come for her. Then there was the other thought, if they had done something to Shaun… 

“Look, build it at the Castle,” he had said with his large hands wrapped around her waist. His words were barely a whisper in her ear as he nuzzled her neck. She felt so safe in his embrace. The hard planes of his body surrounding her, “Everyone knows that after you, Ronnie has the biggest balls in the Commonwealth. The Institute aren’t that dumb.” 

She had sniggered at the image. Arianna Waters had been known as a sharp tongued negotiator. She had been told she had balls before more than once. When she was a lawyer she wasn’t afraid to take the cases that others wouldn’t earning the belief that she just had the cojones. Once she shot a mob hitman on her lawn for representing a witness dressed in a nightie and slippers. When Nate had found out he had gone from fearful husband to proud soldier in a few seconds. 

What MacCready had said was right though – if they came she would throw and army at them. Over the weeks it had cemented in her mind. This could only come to violence. So she prepared to go into the Institute guns a blazing to save her boy. 

“Well time will tell, Sturges.” She smiled broadly hiding the nervousness she felt like a ball of lead in her stomach. “Dawn tomorrow, we do this.”

She patted the mechanic on the shoulder as he gave her an over exaggerated “Aye, ma’am,” and went back to his tinkering. Arianna walked from the contraption and into the newly renovated walls. Minutemen milled about and she asked the status of the artillery and who was on duty tomorrow morning. Ronnie nodded to her once without need for clarification of her mission. There was only one thing she needed now and that was Robert Joseph MacCready. 

They had fought last night, stressed and tired. They had stayed at the Castle in the General’s room. He had been sitting at the table cleaning his rifle with artful, practiced ease. Arianna had sat on the bed just watching him. He had stripped off to his white vest so she could see the lean hardness of his shoulders. She smiled softly noting a smear of grease on his bicep. The strong muscles rippled in a way that made her body turn to molten mercury for him. When she looked at his face admiring his strong nose and jaw she felt her heart skip a beat but her stomach was roiling with fear. Arianna remembered how angry he looked when she had asked him to go to Sanctuary Hills. The light brown of his brows furrowed down and those blue eyes turned cold. It had come out harsh, like she was pushing him away. 

“I have been with you every step to find your son, Ari.” He had barked at her counting off each place on his long fingers, “Vault 71, Fort Hagan, Kellog even the fu-freaking Glowing Sea. Now you tell me to go?”

“So you don’t have to fight my wars, Robert.” She had began to explain, “If they come for the Minutemen – “

“Then I stand by you.”

“I plan on raising that place to the ground, Robert. They will bite back.”

“Am I speaking a different language, Arianna?” He shot back, “I stand by you.” 

“Robert, you have your son.” She had cried failing to keep the tears from her eyes, “I don’t know what they have done to mine. I might not come back. Or they might decide to eradicate me if I do. So I want you to be safe for Duncan. If you won’t do it for me.”

“That’s a low blow.” His voice was cold as a blade and it cut her just as deep. Suddenly he pushed back getting up off the chair. He laid the rifle on the table and brushed the grease on his pants. Arianna saw him plainly. Her man, the one she didn’t know that she would ever have. There was a solemnness to him now, his lips pursed in a hard line. Those beautiful blue eyes held her dark brown ones unflinchingly and she had expected now to see the anger. But there wasn’t - it was realization and pity. With three quick strides he was next to her wrapping her in his arms and holding tightly. 

“I am not going anywhere. I won’t go because I need to be here for when you get back. Yes Duncan needs me but I need you. You don’t get to do this by yourself. I spent a long time alone, Ari, and you came from another time and ruined it. Now I don’t want to not have you. So I am going to stay right here until you come back” 

Arianna had wept, overcome with his love. They were each other’s second chance. She let him peel off their clothes as he peppered her skin with his kisses. He worshipped her body with his mouth kissing her coffee coloured shoulders, breasts and stomach. She caught his mouth with hers and pulled him down onto her savoring his warmth. Tenderly he kissed away her tears and wrapped his hands in her hair. She whimpered as a myriad of emotions ravaged her body, fear, love, lust. Gently she drew her fingers down his back, scratching lightly making his lower body arch to her own. RJ murmured in her ears, “I love you. You are beautiful. Angel.” 

Arianna let her hands rush through his hair, trailing onto his neck. She pressed her head against his temple feeling his love push through the pain and anxiety. He took her chin in his hands and gently brushed his thumb against her lower lip. His tongue darted into her parted mouth as he lowered himself into her, joining together as one. His thrusts were slow and searing. Just in case…better the words left unspoken. 

She held onto him as if she were drowning, eyes closed losing herself in their heat. Each thrust tempering her fears. The ache and anxiety in her heart loosening as they held one another. When she came it was sudden, blinding white stars and her body that had been taught as a bow relaxed suddenly and again the tears fell but this time it was with sweet relief. He held her tightly and Arianna felt peace. 

Now she waited for him as the sun began to set on the ramparts of the Castle. A small part of her hoped that MacCready had changed his mind and was heading to Sanctuary. He hadn’t been satisfied with how many pulse grenades the Castle had so she had sent him to Goodneighbor to get some. Arianna had spent the day preparing. She had modded all her guns, packed a small back pack full of extra ammo and stimpacks. Her vault suit had been sewn up and her armor fixed. She was ready for the fight. 

The blue of the sky faded to burnt ambers and reds. A strong purple hue was taking over the edges. Arianna listened to the radio as the Minutemen passed by her with a gentle word. The hum of the generators and turrets falling into the background like crickets and the crackle of the radio droned on. Arianna lay back in the dried grass. She placed her hands on her stomach feeling each steadying breath. She imagined what it would be like to have Duncan in Sanctuary, with Shaun. Would they be friends? She smiled imagining Robert on the sofa with both boys reading them a story and her heart melted. That was what she was fighting for. 

The sounds of voices wrenched her from her thoughts. She sat up quickly and saw MacCready walking down the long road to the Castle. Next to him was the tricorn hat of Hancock laughing deeply and gravelly as Robert emphasized something wildly with his hands. Deacon was there bald in a white shirt and black jeans smiling looking behind him. Piper’s indignantly yelled to her lover as Valentine put a hand on her shoulder to calm her. Arianna again felt the prickle of tears at the corner of his eyes. She stood and waved wildly, the hugest grin on her face. Her friends glanced up waving back. MacCready pulled the brim of his hat backwards to get a better view of her. He smiled broad and toothily, the one that was just for her. It was warm and gentle, the one that made his face young and all the years of the Wastleland melted away. 

“I told you, Ari” he yelled out, not caring about his reputation or ego, “You don’t get to do this alone!”

For the first time since she had left the Glowing Sea and she knew that she was heading into the Institute Arianna thought that maybe, just maybe, she would get her boy back.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MacCready deals with Arianna leaving to the Institute alone.

MacCready felt a well of love and pride in his chest when he saw her standing on the ramparts of the Castle like the General that they called her. There was something set stiff in her shoulders, that commanding presence she used on everyone bar him. There was a moment of consternation on her face, deeply analytical that betrayed the hundred and one emotions she felt underneath it. She changed in front of him to the woman he loved, café crème skin shinning as the sun began to set. Her radiant mocha curls surrounded her blowing in the wind. Her mouth pulled into a carefree smile and the General was gone. 

He hadn’t meant to be gone for so long but as he walked to Goodneighbour rifle in hand his concern for her grew. Their argument from the previous night played on his mind. Everything they had been through she had shown no fear. Sometimes it was a fierce anger that got her through but this anxiety was new to him. When they had taken the fight to Kellog she had become a woman possessed and though it had not been an easy fight her determination and anger was what won it. When nothing was left of Kellog’s face he had torn Arianna off of his corpse, threw away her shotgun to stop her. The sight had unnerved him but with Duncan he could understand. He would have done the same if not worse in her position. Even when they had traversed the Glowing Sea it was the set of her jaw and unrelenting stubbornness. 

Even when she had done so much for him it was a smile. This was before they had started their relationship, back when he was too scared to admit his attraction to her, too terrified to tell her the truth about Duncan or Lucy or just how much he had fucked up until this point. When they won against the Gunner’s she had hugged him high with adrenaline giving a girlish bellow into the air. Never once did she press for his reasons for being with the Gunners, she would pause thoughtfully to give him an opportunity to fill in the blanks that he never gave. Though he was snarky any time she gave so much it was that sweetness that had salved the red rawness of his wounds and grief. 

There were times when he had awoken to her nightmares and he listened as she poured out her history so open and honest to him. When he had awoken she was met with silence. It never phased her – his distance. Arianna was the most patient person, endlessly kind and she had become his anchor. It was why now; as she hid her pain from their friends he understood that he had to be her anchor now. Yet all he could think about was that she needed to know that she had others around her that cared for her and loved her. Just so she would come back home. Just in case he wasn’t enough.

As each one of their friends embraced her, he saw a little bit of the anxiety that had been plaguing her drop. Her body not quite so stiff and her smiles reached the beautiful brown of her eyes. MacCready smiled quietly to himself as Hancock picked her up and spun her much to her chagrin. She was wearing a flannel shirt that hid the beautiful curves of her breasts but those jeans were tight in all the right places. More importantly she was all his. Even when Hancock kissed her on the cheek he didn’t mind. 

They had taken to the kitchen. Arianna sat amongst their friends laughing and joking like tomorrow at dawn she would wake to just another day. Hancock and Piper were talking about Diamond City and Deacon was occupying his lover with a wild tale that he was pretty sure was a Silver Shroud episode. MacCready took the moment to exit into the night air. He glanced up at the stars in the night and prayed that his girl was going to come back to him. 

“How you holdin’ up, MacCready?” Nick’s synthetic vibration with that deep sing-song drawl pulled him from his prayers. Though he teased Valentine, he was eternally grateful for what he had done for Arianna. He was far too goody-goody for MacCready’s tastes his heart, for lack of a better word, was always in the right place.

“I’m doin’ all right, Valentine.” He replied pulling out a carton of smokes and lighting a cigarette. He offered one to the detective who gratefully took it. For a few moments they took long drags, blowing the smoke into the cool night air. 

“You know as well as I do kid, that they don’t make folk like her anymore. She is determined. I don’t think there is anything that she can’t do.” MacCready nodded not trusting his voice or the images in his head. He didn’t want to say that this felt like a goodbye. How could she possibly come out of the Institute? And he was going to have to let her go? Yet he couldn’t let her see the pain he felt that was threatening to shut his throat. He felt like he couldn’t breathe at the thought of her not returning to him. 

“I didn’t think you were good for her, “Valentine began and MacCready snorted suddenly, choking at the smoke and emotion clinging at his chest. He coughed so hard that Valentine had to hit his back hard, “That was before I saw you together. You light her up and I wanted to thank you for that. When I first met her she was grieving and hurting but you helped her.”

““I just hope she is ok in there. I can’t protect her from….” He tried to keep his voice steady but it broke a little at the word can’t. Valentine just nodded, his orange eyes studying him. MacCready let the half smoked cigarette fall to the ground. He straightened, took off his cap and brushed his hair. He furrowed his eyes and took a huge breath and placed his hat back on. Valentine was smirking. 

“Yeah, yeah, I know. I am not really a big tough merc. But even if you tell anyone they won’t believe you.” MacCready gave everything to mould his face into the shit-eating smug grin as he could. Valentine chuckled.

“Sure thing, bucko.”

MacCready left Valentine needing to find Arianna, needing to have her close. The tables and chairs had been moved and caps were on the table as well as a deck of cards. Piper, Hancock, Deacon and Arianna were nose deep in their hands. MacCready noted with a smile that Deacon had the largest sum but only just. He sat next to Arianna and peered over her shoulder laying his chin on the softness of her curls. MacCready inhaled deeply and smelled soap and salt from the sea. Drinking in her scent underneath it all, the things that were undeniably her and let it crackle like electricity through his gut. At this moment it didn’t matter who was in the room. Or how it looked or even how it may damage his image.

The night faded on and the jokes became louder even though no booze had passed their lips. Shortly after midnight they got up and hugged Arianna whispering things in her ears that made tears spring to her eyes before wandering through to the guest quarters. Nick was the last to leave and as he did, he placed his good hand on MacCready’s shoulder, leaving the General to him. Her face was drawn and pale, tiredness had ringed her eyes. It broke his heart to see her upset with that far-away look. 

“Angel, come on,” he chided softly, brushing the hair from her shoulders, “Time to go to bed.” She got up quietly and wrapped her body round his arm. MacCready pulled her close into the crook of his arm guiding her to their quarters. He let her lead despite wanting to crush her to him and not let her go. As if forbidding her would do anything. He couldn’t even find the energy to make jokes about it. 

Arianna buried her face into the crook of his neck, clasping onto the lapels of his duster. She was smaller than him so MacCready kissed the top of her head. Arianna led him to the bed and undressed. There was no lust, no fire, the exhaustion was too much. MacCready pulled her back into him and stroked her nude belly. He kissed her neck and shoulders longingly; putting all the emotion he was too afraid to voice into those lingering caresses. Can you feel my love for you? Can you feel how much you mean to me? I will break if you die. Come back to me, Ari. Please, come back. 

Her heavy breaths lulled him into sleep where only nightmares reigned. The tunnel that was too large. Robert knew that the feral’s were there but he couldn’t find them because of the thick black darkness clinging to his throat. Duncan’s babbles and half formed words were far away and he heard Lucy singing a lullaby. Robert knew in an instant like ice to his heart that he had to make it back. He knew what was happening because he had dreamed this a million times. When he did there was blood, so much blood. It leaked past the sinewy flesh of the feral ghoul’s and though he could hear her all he saw was a mash of limbs, teeth and gore. Robert couldn’t reach her. Couldn’t do anything but listen to the same damned cry. 

“Don’t let them get Duncan! ROBERT, ROB-“Lucy’s shrill screams of pain and terror mixed with Duncan’s. MacCready had Duncan in his arms now as they fled into the dark night, running until his legs burned and his heart felt like it would explode out of his chest. His little boy only two years old screamed Mama mama mama - he didn’t need Robert, he needed Lucy and she wasn’t coming back. He was alone with his little boy, button nosed with unruly dark hair like Lucy’s. But Duncan had his eyes, big and blue. Now they were glistening with fever and abandonment when he had left to come to the Commonwealth. Lucy would have fixed him. It should have been him. Without Little Lamplight, without Lucy and without Duncan he was oh so alone.

When MacCready awoke he was drenched in a cold sweat. Arianna had turned over and was nuzzled into his side. The sun was already sneaking through the windows. MacCready felt his heart rate speed. It was almost time for her to go but selfishly he wouldn’t wake her. Let her sleep today of all days. It didn’t take long for her breathing to quicken and her eyes were wide and shining with the realization of what today meant. 

MacCready built up the mask and kissed her long and hard. Arianna’s lips moved against his softly. He savoured it all, marking it all to memory. Every press of her lips, her soft little moans, the scent of her as they made love. The movement of her lips as she zipped up her vault suit. The furrow of her brow as she checked over her laser rifle for the third time, he drank it all in

The time passed too quickly, she walked through the walls touching the stone with her fingertips as he followed. RJ hung back as she spoke to Sturges and waved to their friends on the ramparts. He could feel it in his chest again, that horrible pain like a hand tightening around his throat. It constricted as she walked to him. Come on, MacCready, just a little longer. You weren’t the mayor of a group of kids for five years to break down screaming now. The thought of his charges helped, made him stronger and he was back. 

“You have been wonderful, RJ,” she said with a sad smile as she tightened her a bag over her shoulders. MacCready returned it with a smile he didn’t feel, she looked like the first time they met in that obvious blue that pretty much painted a target on her back. He took her in his arms, kissed her hard. 

“Now General, no more of that,” he said placing his hat on her head at a slight angle. She giggled as he pushed it down further, “You’ll be back in no time at all.” 

“I will. I will come back to you,” she said quietly. Her eyes were brimming with tears, “I love you Robert Joseph MacCready.”

“I love you to Arianna Waters,” he said holding her, “I will be waiting for you to give me back my cap. I am kinda attached to it you know. So you have to come back now.”

“You are more than reason enough, Robert.”

When they kissed their friends jeered making Arianna laugh. He bumped his head against hers as their laughs died down. Looking into the dark chocolate of her eyes MacCready watched the General return. He nodded and she kissed him gently this time. 

MacCready stood next to Sturges as Arianna climbed on to the Teleporter. He got as close as to the teleporter as he could. There was grinding as something whirred into life. The blue lightening crackled about Arianna. Suddenly something burst and Sturges tapped crazily on the keyboard. 

“What the hells going on, Sturges?” he cried, Arianna looked worried now.

“It’s fine! She’ll hold.” 

The resounding blast knocked MacCready to the ground. Fuck, fuck fuck! Like a shot he was on his feet. The teleporter was empty. With a reddening around his eyes he was on Sturges. The stocky mechanic was on his back, holding his arms up trying to placate the angry sniper. MacCready had his hands bunched in Sturges dirty t shirt. 

“Where is she? Tell me she is fucking OK, Sturges!” 

“Her signal disappeared she is in the Institute, MacCready. She made it. She definitely 100% made it. I promise.”

MacCready let him go. He felt the blood drain from his face. Slowly he got up and he didn’t remember anything until he was in their room. He closed the door and sat on the bed. The hand tightened around his throat and he couldn’t breathe. It was hard keep up as his breaths escaped in small bursts. Robert crushed his hands into his eyes trying to stop them from falling onto the concrete floor. But it was no use, he couldn’t stop the tears from falling. 

Tired and weary he slept. There was nothing but darkness. He got up only to drink himself into a stupor. Anything to stop the overwhelming loss he felt because he had lied to her. Robert didn’t believe she was coming back. How could she face up to the Institute alone? Eventually it was Nick that dragged him to bed when he passed out on the kitchen table. It was Nick who brought him purified water in the morning and it was Nick who sat next to him as he waited next to the teleporter that still wasn’t fixed. 

Day two he was sober but hadn’t eaten. Day three Deacon left and he was drunk. Day 4 Piper went too. Day 5 Hancock went and it was only him and Nick. 

The detective tried to keep his spirits up. Tried to stop him drinking another bottle of whiskey but plied him with food and cigarettes when he knew he couldn’t win. MacCready didn’t care that Nick saw him cry or talked him through the pain in his chest when he couldn’t breathe. The sniper and the detective bonded over their love for their woman out of time. Too proud to say how grateful he was, he left a carton of smokes at the bottom of Nick’s bed. 

In the middle of the night on the 7th day, a Minutman shuffling at the door awoke MacCready. He went to the door pistol in hand. The woman looked at him with green eyes worriedly. He probably reeked of the whiskey that had been his diet for the past two days. He was dirty and a mess and was keenly aware of it. 

“Sir, Preston is on the radio for you.”

MacCready shrugged on his duster and ran to the radio tower in the middle of the Castle. He noticed Valentine who was leaning up against one of the wooden supports, smoking. It was hard to read anything on the synth’s face. The radioman was speaking hurriedly as MacCready approached. He moved and motioned for Robert to take a seat. He pressed a button and told him to speak.

“Preston? Its MacCready.”

“Thank god,” he said tinnily,”Look the General arrived two nights ago. She is in Sanctuary and she won’t leave her house. I think you need to get here.” 

“I hear you, Preston. I am on my way.” MacCready glanced at Nick who stamped the remnants of his cigarette into the dirt.

“Fancy some company, MacCready?” 

All he could do was nod. It didn’t matter what he was going to. She was back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a really strong HC that once Valentine realised that MacCready made Sole happy that he would support her wholeheartedly. He is too good a friend to let her companion suffer in her absence.
> 
> I didn't mean for this chapter to be so long but clearly I a) like MacCready to suffer and b) can't keep to plans...


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arianna finds Shaun again.

Images careened in front of her. The walls spun into place and suddenly she was aware of her body on the floor. Her stomach lurched as her eyes didn’t comprehend what she was seeing and the searing sound of her travel didn’t match. Arianna fell to the ground and vomited what breakfast she had eaten. Black spots marred her vision and she took a moment to breathe stale air. 

It dawned on her that there were no voices, or anyone rushing in to destroy the intruder. Odd. She spat out the last of the bile and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. She took off MacCready’s cap, turned it over in her hands and smiled. She lovingly caressed the brim before placing it on her head. He was a dork and she loved him for it. 

Gently she stood, the room had stopped spinning and she stepped out of the dark room, the small pistol she had got from Deacon in her hand. Arianna wasn’t sure what she was expecting but she had fully expected to go in gun’s ablazing. That meant that the code did its job or she was being played. It didn’t sit easy with her as she surveyed her surroundings. 

No one manned the computer panel and it’s blinking lights in front of her. Arianna tapped into it and saw that they had been aware that the signal was rerouted. Fuck. Her heart was racing as she shoved Sturge’s holotape into the machine. She listened to it whir and tick downloading every bit of data. If anything, if she managed to get out, at least the Commonwealth would have this. She stuffed the tape into her bag. 

The voice that came out almost scared her to death. Arianna grit her teeth at it’s quiet patronization. So Resourceful. I know why you are here. Let’s Talk. It reminded her of Kellog, it had the same lilting confidence that she was walking into their trap. Well she had smashed his face in and she would do the same to this Father if he did not give her back Shaun. Every door was locked because she was being filtered. It didn’t stop her checking only to annoy the voice by taking so long. It was petty yes but it made her feel more in control. With no other option she stepped onto the glass elevator.   
The voice monologued as the elevator escorted her down. In truth she was barely listening to it’s pride and explanations and it’s reasons for being hidden. She listened to what she needed to. It was an older voice, without a trace of an accent of the new Commonwealth. It was proper and soft spoken like actors on the television. There was a teacher’s lilt to it, yes children calm down, listen to me. Arianna knew that empathic tone of calming. She used it all her working life when calming witnesses. Then It paraded, a flair for the dramatic as it said This is the Institute.

Was she surprised? Of course she was. Arianna had surmised that the Institute must have surpassed the ordinary technology of the Commonwealth. It was clear to her that there had been knowledge lost since her time but they had made up for it in Bio-engineering which was beyond anything from back before the War. Synths were something else. It had shocked her to see green healthy looking trees and flowing water for pleasure. Not for need, not because every other piece of flowing water was an irradiated poison. People or synths, it was hard to know, swarmed about leisurely sitting about all in the same tunics. Then she was plunged lower, deeper into the building, deeper into the earth because why would there be any other reason to not show the sky? The voice led her on into another elevator, up this time. 

You’re here for a very specific, very personal reason. You are here for your son. 

Arianna was breathtakingly angry when the doors opened. She was fed up being played by the Institute. It was bad enough that she had missed so much of Shaun’s life but this charade was what? What did they gain by doing this? 

It was like the world went quiet in a blink of an eye. Everything narrowed, blindingly until all she could see was the little boy from Kellog’s memories. Her heart skipped, stopped and there was only the painful ache of longing. She was at the strong glass now, her strides long and with purpose. 

“Shaun?” her voice was trembling, it was half a question. Baby is that you? It is you. My son, my beautiful boy. The child looked up at her with Nate’s eyes and the cry choked in her throat. Oh he was everything she had dreamed about when she had stroked her pregnant belly wondering what he would like when he was older. 

“Yes, I’m Shaun. Who are you?” 

That was when she lost it. The tears were running down her cheeks and she fell to her knees so she could look him in the eyes. She told him that she was his mother. That this was a prison and he didn’t know it but she was going to save him from it! It wasn’t fair to say those words. She knew it. Just open the door and I will help you. 

The boy was shouting for Father now and her hysteria rose as she tried to reason with Shaun. Arianna was pounding at the door when the whoosh of a pneumatic door roused her from her attempts. Deliverer leapt to her hand, she would make them open the door. Didn’t they realise what she had done to get to this point? Everything would pale in comparison to that to get Shaun out!

The figure held it’s hands up when they saw her but continued to talk and Arianna let him. It was breaking her heart listening to Shaun be so upset. This wasn’t how it was meant to be…

“Shaun, S9-23 Recall code Cirrus.” 

“What…?” Arianna faltered as Shaun’s cries cut off. The boy hung limply and a dark voice in her head told her You didn’t think it would be that easy? The creature in front of her was saying something. The gun was in her hand which trembled with rage. Yet the man known as Father didn’t blink. There was something about him. Something not right and it wasn’t that he had a ten year old synth in his care. 

“Let’s start a new – I am Father. Welcome to Institute.”

“I don’t care who the fuck you are,” Arianna spat, “Give me Shaun, the real Shaun. RIGHT FUCKING NOW.” 

“No need for such vulgar language, Mrs Waters.” Arianna gulped in a few steady breaths. This wasn’t her. As a defense lawyer she had kept her cool. There had been times when she examined, cross examined, dug deeper to get her results. She stood up straight and channeled her old self. The gun came down to her side, the safety was still off and her finger was twitching at the trigger. Father didn’t need to know that. 

“My apologies. You understand this has been a very emotional trying time for me?” she said with a very false smile. Father’s eyebrows shot up, surprised. 

“Quite. Yes. I was about to say the same thing.” He said, “I need you to realise that the situation is more complicated than you could have imagined. You have travelled very far and suffered a great deal to find your son. Your tenacity and dedication have been rewarded. It is good to finally meet you after all this time. It’s me, Shaun. I am your son.”

It took every molecule in her body to stop from reeling back. At first she wanted to deny it. Then scream bloody murder or draw the gun again and threaten to shoot him in the face. But it was his features that stopped her. The widow’s peak that she had endlessly tormented Nate about, that made him grow his hair long to hide. The round shape of his eyes were Nate’s but it was her colour of dark coffee. He even had her skin tone. 

“It really is you.” The words were ash in her mouth. She compartmentalized the feelings she was having. The negative emotions that were threatening to spill from her in a tidal wave that would destroy this man in front of her and a part that wouldn’t care if she did. It was so hard to look at him and see endless possibilities gone in a second. Don’t think just keep it inside for another day when you have time to pick this apart and deal with it. 

“You could have spared me this, Shaun.” She said so quietly that she wasn’t even sure that Father picked up the words. There was no softening in his gaze. No realization of the hurt he was causing…had caused… if he had just came to her. He explained that it had been 60 years and not ten. That sneaking dark voice said this was an experiment to soften the blow. You were played, Arianna. Kellog’s memories all this was designed to make this easier. Nate’s smile sung praises on the Institute for saving him. They needed a non-radiated being to build their synths on. Which is why she was the backup if anything befell him. Every synth had her DNA in it and that blew her mind. 

“Please, ask me anything that will help you understand.” Father said in that calm patronizing voice. Arianna’s mind snapped back to him. The first shred of emotion she saw in him was when she asked about Kellog. Confirming that she had been sent to kill him, for revenge…for us…two little words that made Arianna see a little more than the closed off scientist in front of her. She a little more when she had got emotional that Nate had missed to get even this moment. She watched as an emotional response was dismissed to explain collateral damage in the most clinical sense. It made her angry but she could see the hurt there. Pain and old wounds that had healed long ago stretched in front of him. He could talk plainly because it was so long ago for him. If she focused on his words she would miss that. It used her skill as a lawyer to see what wasn’t being said.

The happiness erupted from him in speaking about the Institute and he wanted her to be a part of it. To see the kingdom that he had helped build as a scientist and Director. There was a gentle pleading. An opportunity when all others had fallen away like leaves from a tree in fall. One remained if she would just reach to Shaun and take it. And despite what Nick had said, or Piper or Deacon she found herself agreeing to stay. Part of the reason was to see the infamous Institute. But mostly it was closure for her and Shaun. Or a beginning if that was what they both wanted. 

Arianna found it hard to leave the room. A thousand words unsaid wavered between them but now at least they had time. She paused at the small boy synth in its cage and found a torrent of grief still beating within her heart. It would have been easier to accept the boy…Arianna chided herself for the thoughts. Once she went home to MacCready she could examine these feelings but not now. Arianna stored them inside herself. 

The Institute was like nothing she had ever dreamed of. Humans and synths wandered around seamlessly. Arianna noted that there was a hierarchy. The early gens were treated as slaves, automaton’s to do petty duties that the rest of the Institute didn’t bother with. They were guards, no more than walking turrets or cleaners. The Gen 3’s highlighted the very crux of what the Commonwealth faced. Even the Institutes people seemed to forget that they were biomechanical. If it hadn’t been for their derogatory designation number Arianna very much doubted they would even notice. She noted that some of the Gen 3’s spoke quietly and without much emotion and others were more vibrant and animated as they talked. Perhaps it was the age of them? 

A feeling of unease creeped into her as she walked through the Institute thoroughfares, the Institute was seen a utopia in many senses. The brightest of the bright working together for a better future! There was a reek of indoctrination. Hate the outsiders. The Commonwealth is am irradiated ruin. The Institute didn’t see the people above they were a pestilence. 

Everything Arianna had pondered about synths was unveiled to her in extreme detail. She entered through the door of the Robotics Lab and for a moment stood at the door watching the huge gyroscopes move from one place to another. They built a skeleton using tiny little dart like needles. The giant machines threaded ligaments and musculature onto the frame and Arianna could see the glossiness of the flesh as blood flowed through veins. The skinless man was thrust into a boiling, bubbling mass on the floor. Arianna could see those needles move underwater, doing something….then with bubbles the creature…no the man, came to the surface and was guided into an area through the back. There was something blank in its stare and Arianna knew it was because they had not input a memory into it much in the same way the Railroad did. 

Arianna made her way back to Shaun with more questions in her head than answers. A migraine was flourishing behind her eyes. Arianna knew it was stress, extreme emotional distress, adrenaline come down, all the things combined together and it left her barren and listless. The grating of thank you from synths for their creation and giving birth to her son were hollow because the grief wanted to take a hold deep inside of her. The stitches were threatening to give way in her compartmentalization and when they did she needed to be away from here. 

It hurt her heart that Shaun didn’t spend time with her. He asked her to take back a synth that had its personality rewritten and had become a raider. Shaun was unwilling to admit that freewill truly existed in his synths it was just a masquerade carefully programmed to look like choice. Arianna pursed her lips and did not begin the argument that she wanted to have. In the two days she would go.

Arianna has been escorted to a room that would become hers if she chose to stay. It had the comforts of the Old World. A shower! A blessed running, purified water, shower! Without a shred of shame she stayed under the warm water for half an hour. She unbraided her hair and thoroughly cleaned her long brown curls until finally the water was clear. As she did this she thought of Valentine and how he had woken up in the garbage. They had tried to clear his mind and it hadn’t worked so he was thrown away. With his memories of Nick, he had become a great person and one of the most selflessly good souls out there. Arianna could not belief for an instant that his decision to take part of Kellogg into himself for her was not free will. Nick had learned and adapted and he was human though his body wasn’t

This Gabriel, the rogue synth raider - he had made his decision to become this and those who live by the sword, die by the sword. There were no judicial hearings nowadays. There was no Judge or Jury. Only executioners and that feeling made Arianna wonder what kind of person she was turning into. So many people she had killed because they would have done the same to her...No matter think about the issue at hand. This man deserved to die for his crimes not wiped. She couldn’t vocalize it but MacCready would understand.

The Libertalia mission did not go well. It took a day to trek to the floating boats avoiding Super Mutants, Raiders and Mirelurks. She rested for a few hours with the quiet Courser. The agreed darkness would give them the best chance anyway. Arianna had been careless she was so used to MacCready at her back that one of the raiders had flanked her. Luckily she had twisted round at the last moment hearing the raider and the bullet only grazed her flank instead of going into her chest. They wound was not serious but it burned horribly and the tight fabric of her vault suit irritated the edges. X6-88 did not slow until they reached the pinnacle of the cabin. 

Arianna stuck the needle of the stimpack in her side. The courser gave her the recall codes for the synth as she did so. This would render him unconscious to take back to Institute. X6-88 refused to answer her questions about this being inhumane. The Institute needed him so they would get them back. It would be X6-88 that would use the code. When she saw the images of bodies twisted and hung from the masts and the raider make up she realized that she didn’t want to take the chance that Gabriel could come back. The courser was annoyed and zapped away with the specimen leaving her to tend to her wounds in the cold air. Within 4 days it was already going to unravel but she had to face up to it. Arianna typed in the co-ordinates of the Institute and teleported. 

She went to her room and cleaned herself. It was early morning and she needed a few hours of sleep before she went to Shaun. Her heart was heavy and her mind confused. Ever since she had left that god forsaken ice box all she had wanted was her little boy. He wasn’t anything like she thought he would be. This future, it changed the long held opinions of how the world worked. Everything was an extreme down the line. Unable to sleep she made a coffee and ate. At 9am she headed up to Shaun’s office her backpack in hand, MacCready’s cap on her head making her feel like a General.

“Mother, I am glad you are safe.” He said when she saw him. The old man looked soft and there was lightness in his eyes that made this all harder, “I know this was difficult but I needed you to see how dangerous a rogue synth could be – “

“Shaun, I know how dangerous any synth can be. Any human can be.” She cut him off mid-sentence holding a hand to him. She ran her hands through her hair which was still wet from the shower this morning. She looked into the surprise of his coffee coloured eyes, his white eyebrows furrowed together but he held his tongue. He didn’t rise from his chair he sat in quiet confidence. 

“I am so sorry, Shaun.” She began, “When I came here I was expecting something very different. I didn’t really expect to come out of here alive to be honest. And if I did I expected that I would have killed every single person I met on my way to you.” That drew raised eyebrows this time but she continued on.

“Before the bombs fell I was a lawyer. I was a damned good one too and I believed in justice. I believed in peace and I believed in people paying for their crimes. Then I was locked up in a freezer for 200 years. I watched a man kill my husband that I…loved very much.” This wasn’t going the way she planned, her voice was cracking at Nate’s memories, as the gun shot rung in her ears and her child’s cries. She swallowed it down and let the lawyer come back through.

“Now I am here. And I changed to get to this point. I became something that I didn’t want to be but I had to because you were my baby and you were captured. Because when I left the vault I was so distraught at everything I didn’t dare belief that you were dead or how much time had passed. You know what I did to Kellogg, you have watched me every step of the way. Now you treat me like the man that I killed. You want me to be your person on the surface and I want to help you, Shaun but I am struggling with all this.”

“Mother, I don’t want you to be Kellogg. I just want you to be at my side here.” It broke her heart to hear the wistfulness in his voice. 

“I think you believe that but I disagree with the very basis of what a synth is from you. You treat them like slaves and I have friends that are synth and thet are wonderful beings. They have free will when you release them from the confines you have set them in. If Gabriel had been human I would have destroyed him to protect my settlements and not blinked and eyelid.”

“Mother, I can show you the drawings and the statistics to show you that they are just machines.” He said looking slightly panicked but his argument was sound. Arianna’s eyes focused on him and she realized that his temper, his way of dealing with these situations was the way that she did. It made her want to laugh that they were arguing about what made a person and her own DNA who had been away from her for 60 years had the same traits she did. 

“What I am trying to say is. I need time. I think I need time to grieve for all the years lost because this is too much for me right now and I need to process it and I can’t do that here. Not with the little synth boy wandering around and not whilst my mind can’t process everything. Please, give me a few weeks and I promise I will be back.”

Shaun looked at her and he looked upset. He stood then and Arianna could see a war in him. Something bothered her son and she did not know what. Shaun straightened and the cool scientist was there again.

“Of course, Mother. I will send you home.” 

“Thank you, son.” She whispered. There was no reply as the hissing blue flashing light tore her from the depths of the Institute and she appeared in a familiar place. She raised her eyes to her own house, decayed and broken. Rust and ruin like old blood on the peeling paint. Arianna strode over to the house and closed the door. When she did she slid against it and felt all the pain that she had kept inside explode outwards in a deep wailing cry. The threads holding everything together fell away leaving only a desolate hole in her chest that even her tears couldn’t fill.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is becoming longer than I thought. I hope you are all enjoying! Thank you for all the kudos up to now I really appreciate it.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MacCready finally gets to Sanctuary to clean up the mess wrought by the Institute.

MacCready had set a punishing pace to make it to Sanctuary as quickly as he possible could. Valentine didn’t seem to mind, the usually talkative synth kept his own counsel but fought like a bat out of hell against the raiders. MacCready didn’t really want to say it but they worked well together. It was difficult to temper his usual patience but he couldn’t go in guns ablazing. 

He was so glad she was alive but Preston’s warning had made him scared. How long had she been at Sanctuary? Why didn’t she come home to him? It didn’t sound like she had Shaun with her. His stomach and heart constricted painfully. Robert didn’t want to imagine not being able to get Duncan back…

“MacCready?” Nick’s metal hand was on his shoulder, “You have been dreaming for a few minutes, pal. Come on let’s set up camp.”

“We have to – “

“Macready.” The detective didn’t shout, but Robert shut up straight away. They had been travelling for fourteen hours straight. They hadn’t eaten, he had drunk a little purified water but that was it. The muscles in his legs were burning from weariness. It wouldn’t usually be a problem but a week of not looking after himself had taken its toll.

Valentine had guided him into a blown out building. A little climbing got them up to the mostly intact second floor. There was no ghouls thankfully just dust, stones and if you peered too close at the corners the grotesque remains of human teeth and empty eye sockets. Nick had already got a fire going with bits of old furniture. MacCready pulled out a noodle cup and heated up some water for it watching as the fire licked the sides of the small pot the water gently simmered in. 

Sanctuary was only a few more hours away. If they quick marched he could make it in another three hours. It would still be light and the road was always safer. Though he had always taken the long road, avoid fighting where he could this time he would go straight as an arrow. Get there quickly and see his girl. Robert had loved Lucy like you can only love your first. It was pure and simple, but he hadn’t given all of himself to her. When he joined a mercenary group run by a wealthy but ultimately asshole caravan owner in the Wastelands he had just been a bully and killer. Just because he was made to wear a military uniform he knew what he was. It had paid well enough but occasionally those hostile takeovers meant people lost their life. Leaving the caves he had lost his place in life. MacCready had been the longest standing mayor in Lamplight history and when he walked the wastes he was nothing. More than anything he had been so alone. God he had been young and stupid. 

He certainly didn’t expect to see Lucy guiding a caravan through his scopes, a sloppily painted red cross highlighting she was a doctor. There were few rules in the merc group but one was you didn’t attack the docs. The road between the Commonwealth and the Wastes were long and you never knew when you would need their services. What was the chances of this meeting her on those dusty roads? 

He let her believe that he was a soldier. They had settled just outside the Commonwealth when Duncan was born. A terrible drought had made up their mind to go back to the Wastes. Despite the Brotherhood at least there was clean water. Lucy never made it back and he was left with Duncan. There had been so many times he had wished he had died there too. It had been his idea after all to go back. 

Then Duncan got sick and it was just as hard to get work in the Wastes as it always had been. Now he needed caps for Med X, Stimpacks, Radaway, clean water and good food. He tried being lone merc and that was why his reputation preceded him when the Gunner caravan came through. The Gunners were animals and though he was often just hanging back being their sniper what he saw through his scopes sickened him. They were rotten to the core so he left, but not before taking his team out. Bastards.

Arianna was the first person he had told it all too. He had fallen apart and started again with her. He was better for it and the happiest he had ever been because she accepted him. Even before they had started their relationship he had found a place with her and her cause. The settlements she created and cultivated made his heart ache for Little Lamplight and yes he chided her but it was only so they grew strong without her. 

Arianna, who gave everything and expected nothing in return, was an angel to him. They had the chance of a life together and when Duncan was better he would stay with them too. MacCready found himself praying that this pipe dream could become a reality. 

“Kiddo, will you sleep already?” MacCready jumped at the synths voice. How long had he been starting at the flames? He didn’t argue, he trusted Valentine to wake him. There was only darkness in his dreams. He rested for two hours, slurped down the noodle cup and they were off again, renewed to the woman that had saved him in more ways than one. 

The gate of Sanctuary loomed into view as they crossed the rickety bridge. A settler from the top of the gate called to Garvey who met them shaking both their hands. 

“Glad you could make it so quick,” It didn’t look like Preston had been sleeping much either, dark circles were around his dark brown eyes and his smile didn’t quite hit them as they walked to the office that Arianna had built for Preston. “The General has been back two nights. She teleported in went straight into her old house and hasn’t come out. I have tried bringing her food. Even Codsworth can’t get her to budge.”

“Is she talking?” Valentine asked, orange eyes shooting up with his paternal worry. Preston shook his head.

“She is moving about. We heard a lot of banging and hammering and we have been using scopes to see if she is alright but because Arianna blocked a lot of the windows for rad storms it’s hard to tell what she is doing. That’s why I called you, MacCready. Whatever happened it hit her hard and she needs you.” 

“You don’t have to tell me twice.” MacCready patted the Minuteman on the shoulder, “Thanks for looking after her for me.” 

“Uh…yeah…you’re welcome.” Preston looked genuinely surprised at the warmth from him. It wasn’t that they didn’t get on it was just they didn’t mingle at all. MacCready found him too good and it rubbed him up the wrong way so it was easier to stay away from Arianna’s second in command.

“I’ll be with Garvey if you need me, MacCready.”

“Thanks for the company, Valentine. I owe you.” The synth dismissed him with a wave of his metallic digits and MacCready set off to the Arianna’s old house. When they stayed in Sanctuary they always stayed in the house next to it that Arianna had built. When they started their relationship she had shown him the remnants of her old life. He remembered keenly they crib that had seen better days and how she had spent time cleaning that room.

MacCready tried the handle of the door finding it locked. He knocked on the door pressing his ear against the metal of it. There was no sound of movement.

“Ari, angel? It’s Robert. Open the door.” He shouted out feeling the nervousness build in his chest, “Come on, let me in.” 

There was only silence. MacCready wandered round the side to the other door. He peered through the small letter box and saw paint on the ground and some clothing on the floor. There was glass too. Fuck this, he thought. With that he used a rod of metal to pry on of the boards off the window that led to the kitchen. MacCready hopped up and over the counter to meet the oddest juxtaposition.

The floor that had been covered in leaves and junk the last time had been swept into the corner. The broken tables had been placed along the side and fresh paint was on the walls. The shelves had been mended and the sofa had patches of fabric hiding the old gashes. There were two bottles of vodka smashed against the rusted falling apart fridge. The door was half hanging off and plates smashed into the sink and on the floor. 

“Arianna?” No reply. MacCready peered into the bathroom which looked like it had been cleaned. There were huge patches of whiter tiles with a bucket full of soapy Abraxo. The smell of peroxide was almost overpowering and it made his eyes burn. What the hell was she trying to do? MacCready bounded out of the bathroom. He knew where she was. He opened the door to the room that had been Shaun’s. It caught on wood and he had to push it open hard to get through. 

The smell of vodka was strong in the room. Blue eyes scanned the devastation. The crib that had been in the corner of the room was a broken mess of splintered wood. The only reason he could tell was because of the colour of cobalt. The small mattress had been ripped to pieces, a knife still half way through the foam. Gently he came into the room and in the opposite corner from the broken crib, Arianna lay on her side, her hands holding onto material. MacCready skidded over to her, his fingers on her neck feeling for a pulse. He was glad to feel her heart beat and then he noticed her soft breathing. He gently brushed her hair of her neck placing a kiss on her cheekbone. She murmered sofly but didn’t move.

MacCready glanced at her hands. He gently pried open her fingers to find delicate woolen boots. They were tiny, definitely for a new born he remembered with a smile when Duncan had been born and he had marveled at the tiny soft flesh of his son. The boots had aged incredibly well, he touched the blue wool and soft lace, marveling at the intricacy of it, they had picked up a bit of dirt which Robert gently brushed off before putting it back in a box next to Arianna. 

He peered in the box to find pictures of a small child wrapped in blankets. Arianna’s smile radiantly showered upon the little bundle in her arms. She looked so beautiful, the gentle pink of her cheeks, her skin had a glow of healthiness and her hair was let loose the way he always loved. Feeling guilty for prying he placed the picture back, placing the booties on top. He closed up the box picking up the material that was clutched to her chest. 

The wool was silver grey around a metre and a half. Again MacCready was stunned by the softness of it. His fingers rubbed the fibers feeling their glossiness. Loops were pulled through loops and he was struck by the workmanship of it. A long tale was left on one side with a delicate knot. It looked like a scarf to him and he wrapped it around Arianna’s neck. With his wiry strength, he lifted her from the dusty floor. She nuzzled against his chest, one hand grasping at his lapel as he picked her up like a bride and carried her to the house next door. 

This was the place he knew not the broken memories of her past life. This was the place they had made together. Even though he wasn’t much of a hammer and nail kind of guy they had built the shelves, the desk, the chair, the bed all together with the aid of some whiskey and the songs on the radio. He could see her swaying her hips as she sipped her whiskey, watered down the way she liked it, singing Magnolia’s songs too him. She would bump her hips next to his, sing a sweet line. Kisses came, smoky sweet, whiskey chased and teasing. Arianna knew how to driver him wild and he had taken her hard across the desk. 

He had filled their home with her odd little nick nacks – the little kettle and the cups because she thought they were cute. The clean glasses he had swiped from Vault 81 because she was amazed at the fact they weren’t chipped. This had also lead to the red and white plates that sat on a shelf that she referred to as “the good china.” Vases she had rescued and cleaned until they were shinning. The coffee cups that couldn’t be saved so she had painted pictures of flowers and owls upon them. They were cute, they were hers.

Gently he laid her on the bed and for a few moments spooned into her. He buried his head into her hair where her scent passed through him like a heady perfume. It was her, definitely her. Not a synth replacement which had been another fear he had harboured. Robert wanted to stay here for the night and hold her until she awoke but he had two friends outside that needed answers too. Despite how selfish he wanted to be both Preson and Valentine deserved to know their friend was at least physically ok. 

“Be back in ten, babe.” He kissed her again, shrugged off his duster and lay it over her. The sun had began to set in the sky when he walked the streets of Sanctuary hills. The amber glow radiated on the ramshackle housing. It was still one of the best settlements he had seen. Everyone had their own individual housing built up like apartments. The purifiers worked hard giving fresh water to everyone that stayed here. The farm was ample but most importantly it was well fortified. In the back corner overlooking the farm area near the river was Preston’s Office and home. Unsurprisingly it had a huge Minuteman flag above the entrance and the door was open. 

Both Preston and Valentine instantly turned to him as he walked through the door. Preston’s office was sparse. There were a few chairs around a desk that he sat at. One was occupied by Nick. The ham-radio trickled that god forsaken fiddle music from the Castle much to MacCready’s chagrin. There were a few plants on top of a filing cabinet. Behind Preston was stares that lead up to his personal bedroom. Valentine handed him a cigarette without asking. He lit it for him too. MacCready took a strong drag letting the nicotine fill his lungs. It calmed him immeasurably. 

“She’s alive but totally passed out. Too much Vodka by the looks of it.” He said out the side of the cigarette trying to sound more positive than he felt, “Look this goes no further but it looks like she half destroyed her house and then tried to put it together again. So whatever happened in the Institute it wasn’t good.” 

“I know Ari. She doesn’t just fall apart so something went down. I need to get her relaxed tomorrow. Valentine – could you get some supplies? Soap, water and definitely something good to eat. Preston – can you get Sturges to heat some water first thing? Think I am gonna get her to bathe clean off and then we will see.” 

Both men went to work. Later in the evening they brought food and Preston brought a few hubflowers in a vase. MacCready nodded his thanks a little jealous he hadn’t thought of it. He laid the table in the kitchenette. He took her good china down. He prepared coffee in the owl and cat mug to add hot water to in the morning. The purified water was popped into a small bucket of water to keep them cool. Next he went to the small bathroom which contained a scrubbed clean bath. Rickety pipes lead outside where they could get hot water. It was a simple design but it was just what she needed. He lay the hubflower soap by the bath. Two glasses and her favourite decanter of whiskey sat on the shelf if she wanted it. Satisfied he had prepared enough for her he washed with cold water and stripped to his underwear, cuddled up next to her enjoying her heat. The day’s journey caught up with him and before he knew it he was asleep.

Small sobs awoke him and instantly his arms were around Arianna pulling her closer. He peppered kisses in her hair and forehead. Robert could wait for answers, he just wanted to comfort her, rocking her gently as the sobs faded away. 

“I am glad you are here.” She whispered through sobs, “How did you get here so quick.”

“Preston called me on the radio. I think you should court martial him personally. That’s fair for using Minutemen property for your own personal use right?” She snorted at his joke which elated him greatly. He just held her stroking her hair waiting for her to begin. 

When she broke down it was like a torrent. It rushed out of her so quickly she stumbled over words that broke into sobs. She sat up to explain Shaun’s age and it was anger that marred her features. The promise of violence when she thought he was Shaun’s captor. Her anger and disappointment that they did not agree on the same things were explained with harsh words as she gestured wildly. 

“Then he sent me here…and it all came out of me. I lost him long ago and I missed on everything. I couldn’t stand seeing the decay and radiation around me as I drank myself into a stupor. I didn’t want any memory of the bombs. I thought I could paint over it or clean it but Codsworth is right, radiation doesn’t come out of floors. It can’t mend glass or make this look anything else than a monument for my old life.”

“What about the pictures?” Robert asked, he pulled her into him as he sat with his back up against the head board. Here he could wrap his arms around her like a cocoon. It made him feel safe, the way she moulded into his body. 

“I found them in a box hidden in the tumble dryer of all things. I think Codsworth put them there. It’s all I have left, the pictures those boots I crocheted for when Shaun was born and that blanket I was making for his first big bed.”

“This?” MacCready tugged at the end of the scarf he had placed round her the night before, “You made this? How? What is crochet?” Arianna nodded her fingers on his.

“I had a bad pregnancy with Shaun and I couldn’t work. My blood pressure was really high and they were worried that I would go into labour too soon with him. I stayed at home and made things using wool. He had toys and hats and blankets because it relaxed me. This was going to be grey and blue stripes but I went back to work and didn’t get time to finish it. Now I wish I had spent that time with him because I didn’t know it was going to be so precious. The life before the War, we took it for granted. They spoke about the bombs falling but no one thought they would actually push the trigger.”

“I still don’t understand what you did to make this. It’s really pretty. You must be one of the few people alive that can do this, you know.”

“That’s sad. The thought that all those old skills are gone? I hope not.” They sat wrapped together as Arianna showed him each stitch. She explained height and tension and the simple patterns she could make. What crochet hooks looked like and all the colours of yarn she had used. Eventually their conversation dwindled and he held onto the fabric’s edge. 

“I think I would like to move away from Sanctuary for awhile.” Arianna finally said quietly, “There are too many sore memories here. I don’t think I can decide if my morals are more important than fostering a relationship with Shaun whilst I am here.”

MacCready nodded. When he had finally got Duncan back to the Wastes he couldn’t bear to be anywhere Lucy had been with him. It was why he had stuck to Goodneighbour when he had returned to the Commonwealth. Diamnond City had too many memories and sometimes it hurt just thinking her spirit had touched the same walls never to be again. Grief was grief no matter what way you coloured it 

“What do want from me, beautiful?” 

“Just help me forget for a little while.” 

MacCready smiled into her hair feeling the rush of love pass through him. He knew that he was devoted to her and only her. When she hurt, he hurt. Protecting her from that would be hard but it was something he was willing to walk over coals for. Get shot, sure? Fight for her, in a heartbeat. Make her forget?

“I can do that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a thank you for those who have kept up this far I have added an epilogue of pure smut. For those who don't like smut stop here! Those that do well carry on to here http://archiveofourown.org/works/6675604


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